Posts Tagged "honesty"

The costs of hiding behind a mask

Working hard and feeling lonely? Wanting to deliver high quality, come across as having it together, on top of it all, near perfect—this is my definition of “professional,” and it has been a lifelong strategy of mine. Some might say it’s an American cultural thing, this hiding behind a mask. I can’t be certain of that, but I can imagine that to a large degree, it…

 Edging Towards Honesty

A friend once said to me, “Something is gained from every act of honest communication.” I recall my doubtful reaction. Yet I’m slowly learning he’s spot on. The trick is in how we define HONESTY. Being honest is not about sharing our thoughts. It’s about sharing our real truth—the only thing we actually can know—by expressing our personal feelings and needs. My “break-ups” Since my teenage years,…

Connecting with Children in Need of Mourning

I was experiencing mixed emotions in anticipation of the day both my children stopped believing in Sinterklaas. On the one hand, I didn’t want the joy, the excitement, the “magic” to end for them. On the other hand, I was looking forward to the day I could have far more honest conversations with them, experience less pressure concerning filling their shoes AND to give them something…

Find connection with others

Throughout my life, I’ve been labeled as an extrovert. It’s true that I really enjoy people and derive much energy from them . . . but not just anyone and not just anytime. I have to first feel safe and comfortable – unafraid of being unfairly judged or sudden conflict. These conditions which I’ve become aware of as an adult have made it practically impossible for…

Learning to back off through vulnerable honesty

Vulnerable honesty is a concept I learned during a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) training by Yoram Mosenzon. For him it seems it’s a way of life – real (vulnerable) honesty in communication, or meaningless-ness. Vulnerable honesty is different than the sort of honesty I grew up knowing, such as “I want to tell you the truth, you are so stubborn it is amazing.” Vulnerable honesty is to…