We’ve been down a long 25-year road in our relationship, with many skid marks as well as breathtaking vistas along the way. For me it’s culminated to this single guiding phrase: Your well-being is my well-being, and my well-being is your well-being. It didn’t catch on with me for the longest time. . . I was busy fighting for my position, my place, not really understanding…
The relationship request I wish I made years ago This year marks a quarter of a century since I first met and fell in love with my husband. As we’re from different cultures (I’m American, he’s Dutch), we’ve had a fair share of ups and downs for sure throughout our relationship. We have shown much love, trust and courage to each other which created countless moments…
I spent this summer vacation engaging in and attempting to observe family conflict. This “fieldwork” was challenging to say the least. It required me to take a helicopter view, even when I was emotionally involved. I set out to better understand why it is that we struggle to meet the essential extended holiday longings we all share, like: Why is it that despite each of us…
I’ve studied and written about perfectionism plenty . . . my own experience with it, tips to overcome it, etc. But what I now know better than ever is that all the reading in the world doesn’t help one deal with it compared to a living, breathing experience. I’m talking about the act of DOING instead of thinking, analyzing, theorizing, trying to understand. Since I can’t…
Self-love. For a long time, this was such a vague, foreign concept to me that I just didn’t know where to begin. Once I learned how important it is for me to connect with and care for myself, I stayed perplexed about HOW to go about it . . . there are after all no step-by-step manuals for sale. Since I’m not alone in this kind…
If you’re anything like the old me, you’re probably confused at the notion that anger can be anything but disconnecting. I grew up with the belief that anger wasn’t o.k. As a result, if I ever felt and showed my anger, shame and guilt tagged right along with it. It was indeed a very disconnecting process in which I experienced double conflict: self-blame for allowing anger…
Working hard and feeling lonely? Wanting to deliver high quality, come across as having it together, on top of it all, near perfect—this is my definition of “professional,” and it has been a lifelong strategy of mine. Some might say it’s an American cultural thing, this hiding behind a mask. I can’t be certain of that, but I can imagine that to a large degree, it…
This time of year has always been the most challenging for me, especially when it comes to taking care of myself. It was as if life went into overdrive on all fronts: work deadlines, social obligations, kids’ school festivities, gifts, holiday cards, special foods, traveling, etc. Each of these seemed to come out of nowhere, wrapped in a package labeled “URGENT!” And I’d take on each…
I woke up to the news about Paris Saturday morning (14/11), my husband out of the country, and my heart felt sunk. Next to my feelings for the victims, survivors and their loved ones, I had one primary thing going on in my mind, “What will I say to the kids?” As they’re 9 and 11, it wasn’t a question of IF I say anything, but…
I am all too familiar with the theme of disconnection from myself. I don’t see it in a purely negative light, but something like this: As children, we want more than anything love, appreciation and acceptance for who we are. Yet the world around us tries to shape us into “proper” self-reliant individuals. Within our unique frameworks, we develop multiple strategies to get these and other…
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