Category Archive for "Self-Connection"

2018, my year of loss and mourning

From an online perspective, I’ve been quiet since the early summer. This has been a year of great loss for me. In a span of eight months, four dear souls departed this world, causing me to enter quite a stretch of mourning. Losing a close friend and two elderly beloved pets was hard, but nothing like watching my “never-sick, strong-as-a-bear” father take his last breath on…

There’s only ONE way to load the dishwasher – MINE! (NVC-based conflict resolution in relationships)

The little things can create big problems This story is actually more about knives and whether or not they belong in the dishwasher. It was an ongoing “little thing” in my relationship with my husband that was causing some big problems. I believe they exist in most relationships – those little conflicts that are really challenging to work out, build up resentment, break down trust and…

From a Language of Criticism to one of Compassion and Connection

I was raised by loving parents. Of course they weren’t perfect, but I just can’t blame my problems on them. They did well and now as a parent I actually strive to be like them in most aspects. But I grew up in a broader culture of: “Want to be a good person? Be hard on yourself.” So I had a lot to unlearn and learn,…

Be Criticism-Resilient with NVC Skills

Did you ever receive scathing criticism from one of your clients, customers or students? And worse, that person cc’d your boss, without asking for your consent? If so, and if you’re anything like me, I guess you didn’t find it pleasant or easy. It very recently happened to me, and I wanted to handle it with grace and resiliency. My inner world was in a state…

Family Vacation – one great tip on how to improve it

I’ve been looking at how to optimize our family vacations for the past several years. (See last year’s post, “Reduce conflict during family vacation!”) As our two kids are hitting their teenage years, it’s getting more challenging than ever to find win-win agreements and outcomes. How on earth can everyone be satisfied when we have very different wishes and needs? It seems impossible at times. Especially…

The Comparison Trap . . . and getting out of it

I recently received this question from a woman I know: “I’d like some help dealing with the trap of comparing. I’ve been struggling under the weight of house envy. A friend has a new home with garden attached, and the arrival of summer weather threatens to steal all my usual joy in the season. I guess it sounds absolutely ridiculous and trivial, but it’s so real…

How I deal with my teenager’s ‘disrespect’

(note: please forgive the brashness expressed in this article – my need for being with reality is bigger than any desire to be overly polite . . .) “Fuck you!” Those were the words that cut off my recent attempt-to-connect sentence coming out of my mouth: “Sweetie, let’s try talking abo-” As the door slammed behind my just-turned 13-year-old son, I tried picking my jaw off…

The Beauty of Our Interdependence

We’ve been down a long 25-year road in our relationship, with many skid marks as well as breathtaking vistas along the way. For me it’s culminated to this single guiding phrase: Your well-being is my well-being, and my well-being is your well-being. It didn’t catch on with me for the longest time. . .  I was busy fighting for my position, my place, not really understanding…

Unlearning Perfectionism

I’ve studied and written about perfectionism plenty . . . my own experience with it, tips to overcome it, etc. But what I now know better than ever is that all the reading in the world doesn’t help one deal with it compared to a living, breathing experience. I’m talking about the act of DOING instead of thinking, analyzing, theorizing, trying to understand. Since I can’t…

A Journey Towards Self-Love

Self-love. For a long time, this was such a vague, foreign concept to me that I just didn’t know where to begin. Once I learned how important it is for me to connect with and care for myself, I stayed perplexed about HOW to go about it . . . there are after all no step-by-step manuals for sale. Since I’m not alone in this kind…

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