A Letter on behalf of our Relationship
The relationship request I wish I made years ago
This year marks a quarter of a century since I first met and fell in love with my husband. As we’re from different cultures (I’m American, he’s Dutch), we’ve had a fair share of ups and downs for sure throughout our relationship. We have shown much love, trust and courage to each other which created countless moments of meaningful connection. On the other hand, we also said and did many things out of fear and distrust, leading to arguments, distance, sadness and a sense of helplessness. If I knew years ago what I know now, here’s the letter I wish I had sent him . . .
First and foremost, I want you to know how much I love and care for you . . . and how much I want to strengthen our relationship into one that is mutually honest, understanding, respectful, and supportive.
I long to know you more fully—to see, hear, understand & accept you for who you are.
I long the same for myself—that you fully, see, hear, understand & accept me for who I am.
I dream of deepening our relationship, allowing love and trust to flow, with less fear and distance getting in our way. I imagine the sense of peace and harmony we could give to ourselves, our children, friends, even colleagues and various other people in our lives!
And yet . . . It seems as if we’re a bit trapped in old patterns, and we just don’t know how to break free of them. So many of our interactions seem to happen in a “right vs. wrong” framework of judgments, labels, blame, comparisons and demands. A place of win/lose.
When we can instead look deeper, see each other’s intentions and experience more compassion for each other. From this place we find win-win agreements.
I want to unlearn the habit of listening-to-respond and instead listen-to-understand. By seeking ongoing understanding, we can discover ways to deal with our differences, frustration, and even anger that bring us closer together.
I’m sure it’s possible for us to speak honestly and openly with each other AND experience more meaningful connection in our relationship. I think we both want this, but just don’t know yet how to go about it.
Are you willing to learn with me? Can we together explore ways for us to receive guidance so that we both experience:
- safety for honest expression
- balance in being fully heard
- better understanding & accepting one another
- new agreements that meet ALL of our needs
Can you please let me know if you have a full yes for this request? And if you do not, I’d like to hear your honest response.
Accredited coach, Cara Crisler is all about EASING CONNECTION. She helps a diversity of individuals, couples and small teams who want to build strong, honest, respectful RELATIONSHIPS. Cara uses Marshall Rosenburg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a basis for compassionate coaching, mediating & training.